The Cardianl Experience


 

The Cookie Tin

Something strange occurred last night. I was awakened again at three a.m. and this time it was due to stomach pain. I got up and headed for the bathroom but started feeling dizzy so I thought I had better lay down as soon as possible. When I came to, I was lying on the floor drenched in a cold sweat. I was clearly shaken. Fortunately I was able to crawl back into bed. When I woke up this morning the pain was gone, but I was still shaken by the odd event, which was suddenly overshadowed by the dream.


Something strange occurred last night. I was awakened again at three a.m. and this time it was due to stomach pain. I got up and headed for the bathroom but started feeling dizzy so I thought I had better lay down as soon as possible. When I came to, I was lying on the floor drenched in a cold sweat. I was clearly shaken. Fortunately I was able to crawl back into bed. When I woke up this morning the pain was gone, but I was still shaken by the odd event, which was suddenly overshadowed by the dream.

In the dream, Jack an I were driving home from the grocery store. We were having a nice conversation as he began showing me some items from the bag on his lap. They were ordinary groceries, then he held up a bag of cloth wipes. “These are special,” he said. “They keep away illnesses.” Then, he began using one on himself. Suddenly aware of all that had already occurred, I wondered why. Why  would someone who had already died be concerned about preventative measures. Just as I was about to ask him, I woke up.

The dream seemed so real, in my mind, I could still hear his voice after I awakened. I wasn’t concerned about the symbols or the meaning. My only thought was, was it really him? Was the message from my own psyche or could it really have come from Jack?

It was only a little after four a.m., too early to get up and too late to go back to sleep. I got up to get a glass of water and then saw the metal tin on the counter. The cookies, I had eaten the cookies before I went to bed. They weren’t just ordinary cookies, they were danish cookies in a round christmas tin that I had bought for Jack. They were his favorite, but as he could not eat much of anything, I could not even bring them to him in the hospital.

I left the unopened box on the kitchen table along with a little lighted christmas tree. Everyday I came home from the hospital and looked at the round glass table, and his empty chair. I vowed I would not open the cookie tin and I would keep the tree lit on the table until he came home. When I brought home his ashes, I sat them down on his chair, the tree was still lit and the tin unopened.

Last night I worked late, until almost ten, trying to get the website prepared. I knew I had to quit and get some food, and some rest. I had been remiss about the groceries, Jack had always been the one who kept everything stocked in the house. When I opened the fridge the only thing I saw was cottage cheese and the remnants of a pepperoni pizza which I promptly popped into the microwave. As I walked back into the room to put my computer to sleep, I noticed the cookie tin on the shelf beside it. I picked round tin up and examined it up close. It was festively decorated with a happy couple in the winter snow. I am not sure why, but I opened the box, poured myself a glass of wine, ate some of the cookies and went to sleep.

I sat the glass of water down and looked aghast at the plundered tin on the counter. Could this be the cause of last night’s pain? Had I been punished by being dropped to the floor? I was suddenly gripped by fear. I had given those cookies to Jack. Should they then be considered an offering to the dead? How could I have done something so reprehensible, something so... sacrilegious? Or, was it possible that I was simply punishing myself?

I have always been respectful of religious customs, but is it religious or superstitious to believe that if you break a custom you will suffer consequences?  I picked up the water glass and headed back to the bedroom. A calmness came over me as I got back into bed, and I could see Jack smiling down at me. “I know,” I assured him. I’ll go to the store tomorrow, get some healthy food and wipe all this nonsense away.”

On my way to the grocery store this morning, I took the remainder of the cookies and placed them under the large oak tree in front of the house. I’d like to think they might be feeding my little red feathered friends, but the squirrels were already gobbling them up before I reached the car.

Cardinal Cheers & Blessings,

Jeanne Marie

 
 

 

 


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